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2011, 08-12:
Review of film: “FINAL DESTINATION 5”
Regular readers may be familiar with the fact that “HORROR” is NOT one of my “favorite” genres (at least in most “modern” versions being done nowadays, as opposed to the mainly-“psychological” types done earlier)...
... But, I try to give most movies a “CHANCE” to impress me favorably...
... The original “FINAL DESTINATION” movie came out in 2000. The # “2” sequel appeared in 2003, # 3 came out in 2006, and the # 4 (“THE FINAL DESTINATION”) arrived in 2009...
... In this latest # 5 version, a bunch of young people are working at a company, with most of them in the office section...
... The head of the office is an older man named Dennis (DAVID KOECHNER), a “fussy” guy who mainly seems to care about the “bottom-line” financially...
... His assistant, the sort of “Manager” of the younger people in the office, is Peter Friedkin (MILES FISHER)... His gymnast girlfriend is Candice Hooper (ELLEN WROE)...
... The best friend of Miles is Sam (NICHOLAS D’AGOSTO), a “down-to-earth” type guy who works in the kitchen at an upscale RESTAURANT at nite. His goal is to go to France to study to be a CHEF-- tho he’s sort of afraid to follow-thru on that big step...
... Nicholas has a long-time girlfriend named Molly (EMMA BELL), but she’s tending to want to BREAK-UP, which Nick wants to avoid because he’s very “taken” with her...
... In Miles’ office is a sort of flighty self-centered young eyeglass-wearing woman named Olivia Castle (JACQUELINE MacINNES WOOD)...
... There’s also a nerdy-looking sex-obsessed guy named Isaac (P.J. BYRNE). He tries to act like a “cool dude” to all the woman, who tend to find his “lines” generally REPULSIVE...
... In the “factory” / warehouse part of the company are a group of older unionized workers. Somehow, one of the young guys named Nathan (ARLEN ESCARPETA) has been appointed as sort of “BOSS” over the others (which they don’t tend to like)...
... As a special “outing”, all these people (+ others) are taking a ride on a company BUS across a suspension bridge in the San Francisco area... Suddenly, Nicholas gets a “FUNNY FEELING” & urges people to LEAVE the bus in the middle of the bridge which is being reconstructed...
... We see a series of “chain events” that cause the DEATHS of most of the people we’ve come to “know”...
... But then, we see that the event DIDN’T really HAPPEN, that it was just a “VISION” Nick had had... That gives him the chance to try to PREVENT the effects of the terrible ACCIDENTS that he saw befalling the people around the bridge...
... After lots of “action” on the bridge, Nick meets a “creepy” type guy seemingly named Bludworth (TONY TODD) who seems to be a “spokesman” for DEATH, warning him that he & others CAN’T “CHEAT” death like they have...
... After that, we see an “odd” series of intense “ACCIDENTS” that happen to those who’d SURVIVED the bridge calamity...
... Who will suffer the NEXT “mishap”, & HOW will it occur?...
... I could go into more detail, but, why BOTHER?!...
... This movie had a decent “CONCEPT, in the idea of people utilizing a “VISION” to try to AVOID calamities, and possible attempts to “TRADE” an upcoming death for a longer life from someone who’s still ALIVE...
.. And, it used good casting to help provide some able ACTING by most of the main characters (which is why I bothered NAMING the actors, since they rose "ABOVE" a sadly WEAK SCRIPT to give "individuality" to their characters)...
... The problem is, despite some creative “construction” work in the PLOT, it’s all DESTROYED by a near obsessive “need” to SPLATTER & IMPALE bodies right & left... People “can’t” just die-- they have to SUFFER massively while it’s happening...
... Besides being used in the long opening credits (to show shattered glass & the like “flying out” at you), the 3-D in this film is used to “ENHANCE” the effects of the AWFULNESS the people have to endure...
... While providing just 92 minutes of GORE in this movie rated “R” (for REPULSIVE, in my opinion), the filmmakers are so lacking & cheap in their efforts that, rather than spend money to make a LONGER new film, they recycle a whole bunch of footage from the PREVIOUS films at the end... Sort of a “Best of the WORST”, so to speak...
... The “manufacturers” of this vicious & MEAN-SPIRITED CRAP may well have a (sadly) “READY” audience for their “SLASHER-Vision” view of the world & humanity...
... But, their excessively BRUTAL hodgepodge of HATEFUL actions has “SLICED & DICED” them OUT of ACCEPTABILITY, to a rating from me of just 2 DREARY stars on a scale of 10...
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